Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys.

I've been struggling with social stuff lately. I've never really fit in and, frankly, I often find it hard to like people.
Nobody panic. If you're reading this through a link I've posted, you've made the cut.

I find it difficult to understand why people do the things they do and if their behavior strikes me as illogical my brain can't handle it. My immediate reaction is,"MAKE IT GO AWAY!" Sometimes I can suppress the urge but it inevitably wins out.

In the past week or two I have tried to make many people go away. Turns out it's harder than it should be. When someone unfriends me on social media I might wonder briefly what I may have said to offend them but it passes quickly. I understand that not everyone will like me which is no big deal.
Apparently others don't feel that way. They want me to tell them 'why'. My problem is that I really don't like to be mean and any lies I come up with just sound wishy washy. They're all people I have minimal to no contact with in the real world and it stresses me out that they think sharing a network is so damned important.

I'm feeling a bit like Claire in The Breakfast Club but we really have nothing in common. Why would we hang out, even just electronically? Yes, we all have children but if you think 'the only thing wrong with kids today is that we're no longer allowed to beat them', we're not even occupying the same universe. Or you refuse to vaccinate your kids but spend your evenings with them too drunk and/or stoned to properly care for them. Or I only ever see you bitch about your kids. I like my kids and I like being a mom. All your postings do is make me feel sorry for your children.

And then there's the drama. I just can't do it. I understand that we all make choices that can result in unwanted consequences but when it becomes a lifestyle my brain simply can't process it. The instant I hear things like,"My husband/exhusband/boyfriend/exboyfriend has been in prison for years and will be getting out soon.", alarms start going off in my head. You could be the nicest person in the world who made one bad relationship choice but it's not worth risking my (or my kids') mental or physical health to stick around and find out. My experience with people has been that bad choices tend to be a habit. Most of us learn with time but I don't have the spoons to deal with the process.  Ditto with alcoholics and drug addicts. You may be a great person but I really can't add that to my plate. Been there, done that, have the dead best friend to show for it.

 I have dozens of people in my social networks whom I will never meet in person. The thing is, I would be happy to. From now on my 'imaginary friends' will only be people I would be willing to sit and have a cup of coffee with.